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WHEN GUNS ARE OUTLAWED ONLY OUTLAWS WILL HAVE RIM JOBS

Gosh. New York City is so modern and progressive. The government there has shown to really care about the things that matter. In the recent trifles they are dealing with they even take the time to not only warn their subjects of a real scourge on humanity but outright ban it.

NYC declares war on ‘rim jobs’ in graphic health department memo

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NYC’s Department of Health is bending over backwards to warn the public about a whole new threat — “rim jobs.”

I know what you’re thinkin. But I did not write that.

The city’s health agency issued graphic guidelines for safe sex practices during the coronavirus pandemic Saturday, and while many were quick to take jabs at the agency for labeling masturbation safer than sex with a partner, most missed the backdoor rim shot.

Yes, the city specifically called out rimming — or using the tongue on the REDACTED!! rim of another person for sexual pleasure — as particularly dangerous in a jaw-dropping section of the public safety alert.

Rimming (mouth on REDACTED!!!!!!) might spread COVID-19. Virus in feces may enter your mouth,” the city warned in the section titled, “Take care during sex.”

I promise I did not make these disgusting, poor tasting jokes, I am above that. I even saved you all from losing your innocence by reading these vulgar words in too much detail using my powers to censor given to me by our now war time footing due to ChinAIDS.

Eagle-eyed Twitter users, naturally, had a field day with the bizarre bullet point, whipping it into the butt of jokes online.

The NYC Health Department has a document about sex and coronavirus that includes a statement about rimming,” one person wrote. “‘Stay at least six feet from other people, and be sure not to lick anyone’s REDACTED!!!!!!!!.‘”

Day 13 of quarantine: my parents read the NYC coronavirus sex guidelines and are now discussing rimming at the dinner table. Need evacuation ASAP,” one person wrote.

The question is are they really going to enforce this and if so how? Is this why the NY authorities want the military sent so badly?

Read the news article here, I really can’t top the worthy at the NYpost who wrote it without getting so vulgar some of our readers would never look at me the same way again.

https://nypost.com/2020/03/24/nyc-declares-war-on-rim-jobs-in-graphic-health-department-memo/

WHEN GUNS ARE OUTLAWED ONLY OUTLAWS WILL HAVE CRACK PIPES AND GAS LEAKS

It’s a real shame when something like this happens. And made worse because it is one of the rare times people died in Detroit and it not be from gang violence

DETROIT (WXYZ) — One man is unaccounted for and two others are injured following a house explosion in Detroit early Friday morning, according to Detroit Fire officials.

Around 4 a.m., Detroit police, fire and EMS crews responded to the 680 block of Archdale on a report of possible shots fired and house explosion with a person possibly trapped inside.

Earlier, fire officials told 7 Action News that the man was deceased, but it is now unclear if he survived the blast and managed to get away. Detroit police say crews were unable to find the man’s body at the scene.

7 Action News reporter Syma Chowdhry learned there were at least four people inside the home when it exploded, and two were pulled out of the debris by firefighters.

Wait a minute…

A 46-year-old woman is in critical condition suffering from burns.

The cause of the fire was a gas leak.

Police say the woman told firefighters the house blew up right after she lit up a crack pipe. Some neighbors told Chowdhry they heard gunshots around the same time.

Whaaa Whaaaaa Sad trombone noises

WHEN GUNS ARE OUTLAWED ONLY NAKED ROCK THROWERS WILL BE OUTLAWS

Duy Khanh

Duy Khanh , NOT Howard this time.

What to do when COVID-19 has the nation gripped in the terror of impending doom of plague? You got to blow off the steam from all that stress some how. Well, you strip naked and go outside and toss rocks at cars.

A Florida man was arrested for chucking rocks at passing cars while naked on his driveway on Tuesday, a report said.

I submit to you all , that if a man isn’t free to stand naked in his own driveway and toss rocks then he isn’t really free.

Multiple people witnessed the bizarre behavior of 34-year-old Duy Khanh and called authorities, according to WKMG News 6.

Brevard County Deputies showed up and found the naked suspect, the report said.

Do you think he was easy to spot?

It wasn’t clear why the man was naked and throwing rocks. Does it even matter at that point?

Khanh was charged with the exposure of sexual organs, according to jail records.

WHEN GUNS ARE OUTLAWED ONLY CALIFORNIA PROSECUTOR WILL OUTLAWS

I saw this and all I can figure is that is must be some fake news.

Timothy and Tamara Delgado

Timothy and Tamara Delgado Facebook

Timothy Delgado, a federal prosecutor in California, killed himself and his wife Tamara Delgado in an apparent murder-suicide, according to authorities.

On Sunday, authorities with the Placer County Sheriff’s Office said they were conducting a homicide investigation in the Delgado’s home of Granite Bay, which is located near Sacramento. The next day, the sheriff’s office said in a statement that the homicide was being investigated as a murder-suicide, and identified Timothy, 43, and Tamara, 45, as the deceased victims.

“We believe that Mr. Delgado fatally shot his wife before turning the gun on himself,” the statement read, adding, “Mr. Delgado was a prosecutor with the US Attorney’s Office.”

How could this be? guns are very strictly controlled in Kalifornia! How did a fed not know he could not do this because of laws?

I wonder what his wife found out about him or what he was about to get caught doing by his co-workers.

According to The Associated Press, Timothy was an assistant U.S. attorney for the Eastern District of California. The AP reports that Tamara’s mother had called the sheriff’s office asking for a welfare check on the couple.

https://people.com/crime/timothy-delgado-murder-suicide-california/?did=499994-20200310&utm_campaign=true-crime_newsletter&utm_source=people.com&utm_medium=email&utm_content=031020&cid=499994&mid=30685150200

WHEN GUNS ARE OUTLAWED ONLY OUTLAWS WILL HAVE TAPE DISPENSERS

Mary Carbone

A New Jersey woman beat a 55-year-old man to death with a tape dispenser and shower rod in a home they shared, authorities said.

I‘m wondering if she taped the dispenser to the rod and made some kind of battle hammer.

Mary Carbone, 56, allegedly attacked Frank Stochel, a local high school janitor, last month at a Manchester Township residence that the victim owned with his wife.

His lifeless body was found on Feb. 24 and Carbone was arrested on murder charges Wednesday, the Ocean County Prosecutor’s Office announced Thursday.

“Specially, a tape dispenser and a shower rod were recovered from the scene,” prosecutors said in a statement. “The injuries sustained by Mr. Stochel were consistent with the implementation of these items.”

And the rod and tape were covered in his blood and brain matter. excellent detecting .

Exactly what led to the slaying is unclear. Manchester Township Police responded to the 6th Avenue home after getting a report of an unresponsive male there, prosecutors said. I’m sure we can all make a pretty accurate guess.

“These detectives combed through a ton of forensic evidence to ultimately determine that Ms. Carbone did in fact cause Mr. Stochel’s death,” Ocean County Prosecutor Bradley Billhimer said in a statement.

Though Stochel lived at the home with Carbone, he owned it with his wife, Cindy, according to property records cited by the Asbury Park Press. At the time of his death, he had been facing charges of burglary, harassment and making terroristic threats following an arrest last October, the paper reported.

Trash took out the trash?

In addition to murder, Carbone was charged with two counts of possession of a weapon for an unlawful purpose and two counts of unlawful possession of a weapon. She was taken to the Ocean County Jail, where she remains pending a detention hearing, Billhimer said.

Weapons were listed as a stapler and a fly swatter. In the hands of an expert melee fighter like Carbine, everything is a murder weapon if you’re creative enough.

https://nypost.com/2020/03/05/nj-woman-charged-with-killing-roommate-with-tape-dispenser-shower-rod/