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WHEN GUNS ARE OUTLAWED ONLY ROOSTERS WILL BE OUTLAWS

A rooster is fitted with a razor sharp blade outside Manila in 2014 (Jay Directo/AFP via Getty Images)
A rooster is fitted with a razor sharp blade outside Manila in 2014 (Jay Directo/AFP via Getty Images)

A police officer has died breaking up an illegal cockfight after a blade attached to a rooster’s leg sliced through his femoral artery, according to Filipino officials.

Colonel Sanders would have known how to handle this situation.

The sharp metal spur reportedly struck the officer’s leg as he tried to confiscate the bird as evidence of the illegal event on Monday in the central Philippine province of Northern Samar.

What a humiliating way to go. Iguess it beats dying on the toilet.

Lieutenant Christian Bolok, who headed up the San Jose municipal police station, was rushed to the provincial hospital and declared dead on arrival, local media reported.

“I have a heavy heart as we have lost a brother who sacrificed his own life in the name of service,” the provincial police chief Colonel Arnel Apud said in a statement. I’m sure his family is proud.

 “The [Philippine National Police] grieves the untimely death of Lt Bolok and extends its deepest sympathy to his family and relatives.”

Police are reported to have confiscated seven fighting cocks, two sets of blades and 550 Philippine pesos (£8.70). That is what the man died for.

https://news.yahoo.com/police-officer-killed-rooster-blade-181559829.html

WHEN 12 YEAR OLDS OWNING GUNS IS OUTLAWED ONLY 12 YEAR OLDS WILL BE OUTLAWS

A Texas judge has sentenced a 12-year-old to seven years in a juvenile detention center after he removed his ankle monitor and shot a one-year-old baby. That really took off in an unexpected direction.

The 12-year-old rapper, named Lil Rodneyy, was also an alleged Crip and admitted to cutting off his ankle monitor to attend a friend’s funeral.

It’s never too young to earn dat street cred, cuz.

However, he claimed he couldn’t recall the friend’s name because he only knew the nickname.

Despite the boy breaking down during his Zoom detention hearing, Judge Kim seemed to have seen enough of the child and was unmoved.

Every time you come in here you cry. You know that, right?” the judge said.

“Every single time, you beg me for one more chance. You swear to God, ‘On my mama’s name,’ ‘I’m not gonna cut off the monitor, I’m not gonna run off.’”

I’m gonna make a wild guess about that judge and sleep secure in the knowledge that I am right..

Lil Rodneyy’s grandfather took the place of his father and helped raise him after his mother gave birth to him when she was 16.

Good job Gramps. “worlds best grampa ” coffee mug on the way for Christmas this year.

According to a previous interview, the boy’s mother was sent to prison twice while he was a toddler.

Lil Rodneyy will remain in a juvenile detention center until he’s 19.

Yes. 19, just the right age to be after being kicked loose from prison.

WHEN GUNS ARE OUTLAWED ONLY NOODLES WILL BE OUTLAWS

Noodles

Nine members of the same family in China died after eating spoiled noodles that had been kept in the freezer for nearly a year, authorities said.

I think I ate at the same chinese buffet once.

The family living in the northeast province of Heilongjiang ate the homemade corn noodles for breakfast on Oct. 5, according to the Independent, citing a state-run media report.

The noodles, made from fermented corn flour, are a common dish in the region. No word if bat was part of the recipe.

But hours after chowing down, those who consumed the noodles fell ill, the report said.

Eight of them had been confirmed dead by Oct. 11, and the ninth member was hospitalized but ultimately died on Monday, the outlet reported.

What do you call 9 dead communists?

The cause of their deaths was poisoning from bongkrekic acid, a respiratory toxin detected in the noodles, which had been frozen for several months, the outlet reported.

Gao Fei, director of food safety at the Heilongjiang Centre for Disease Control and Prevention, said the toxic substance can often be fatal.

“It can cause serious damage to many human organs including the liver, kidneys, heart, and brain,” Gao said.

“Currently, there is no specific antidote. Once poisoned, the fatality rate can be as high as 40 to 100 percent.”

The National Health Commission issued a warning Tuesday to avoid making and eating foods with fermented rice and flour, the state-run outlet China Daily reported.

Good tip. Thanks for bringing this to our attention CCCP health experts.

“Using fresh and unspoiled food materials and frequently changing water when making food can reduce the risk of contamination, but it is best to avoid making and ingesting foods made of fermented grain entirely for safety concerns,” the advisory said. Good advice sure to be ignored in a place that east swallows nest soup.

WHEN GUNS ARE OUTLAWED ONLY CNN LEGAL ANALYSTS WILL REDACTED ON ZOOM CAMS

from Vice, which ratchets this story up to ’11’ on the Spinal Tap amplifier of WTF-ness,

“This piece has been updated with more detail about the call and the headline has been updated to reflect that Toobin was masturbating.”

Hey look, we understand, an accidental exposure of a penis could be rubbed off as a one-off, awkward moment but spanking the monkey, that’s a hard one to get over.

Quite a multitasker!!

From the “Not, The Onion” file (which is becoming far too regular in this farcical new normal), legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin has been suspended by CNN and The New Yorker after he exposed himself during a Zoom call last week between members of the New Yorker and WNYC radio.

“I made an embarrassingly stupid mistake, believing I was off-camera,” Mr. Toobin said in a statement to Vice, which reported the incident and the magazine’s investigation.

“I apologize to my wife, family, friends and co-workers.”

“I believed I was not visible on Zoom,” Mr. Toobin said of the call, which Vice, citing unnamed sources, said took place last week.

“I thought no one on the Zoom call could see me. I thought I had muted the Zoom video.” Mr. Toobin could not be immediately reached on Monday afternoon.

Natalie Raabe, a spokesperson for the New Yorker, confirmed that “Toobin has been suspended while we investigate the matter,” Vice reported. 

“Generously”, CNN has “granted” Toobin some time off too

WHEN GUNS ARE OUTLAWED ONLY OUTLAWS WILL BE RELIGION OF PEACE

A knife-wielding man shouted “Allahu Akbar” and then beheaded a middle school teacher on a street in Paris on Friday — in apparent retaliation after the educator had shown students cartoons of the Muslim Prophet Muhammad, according to reports. How shocking in its unexpectedness.

Can you believe that Bad Orange Man did this?

Immediately after the beheading, the attacker claimed responsibility and posted an image of his victim’s severed head on Twitter, a police source told NBC News. The grisly image was removed by the social media site. Must have had a reference to the NYpost on it.

The attacker — who was also armed with a gun and was shot dead moments later by cops — was the father of a student at the school who may have had terrorist ties, according to Le Parisien and Le Monde.

How shocking.

https://nypost.com/2020/10/16/gunman-shouts-allahu-akbar-before-beheading-man-in-paris/