The Grenade Story


The Backstory
So way back in 1st or 2nd grade my grandmother being the good old hard ass she was bought me one of those old pineapple training grenades. I used to put it in my lone Alice pouch when playing “Army” at the park and throw it around. Well in second grade the teacher would do a twist on show and tell. The kid who’s day it was would bring in the item and put it in a bucket the teacher had, then the class had 3 tries to guess what it was. With hints. if they couldn’t guess what you brought then you won. Well my day comes up and as the bus is honking (Figures the one time it actually comes to my house and not a couple blocks down the road) and I can’t figure out what to bring. I see my good old grey and blue pineapple and grab it thinking it’s the best idea ever. “No one will ever guess this!”

The Event
So I get to school and hand it to the teacher for show and tell. Instead of putting it in the bucket she says she’ll hold onto it Instead. “Huh, weird, but ok” and went about my merry 2nd grade day. Fast forward to the end of the day, I didn’t get my turn at show and tell because she didn’t like my item (was pretty bummed) and am getting on the school bus home. When for some reason they start pulling everyone off the bus and sending them out to the field. They have us all lined up in our class groups for what feels like an eternity when finally the principal comes out with a megaphone and announces that a student brought a bomb to school. “What kind of an idiot would do that?” I thought and said to my friend. A bit more waiting and they finally let us all back onto the busses and on home. I get home and tell my mom I’ll be out front playing with my microscope (about as innocent and nerdy as you can get). A few minutes later. “GET IN HERE!” Apparently there were a number of voice-mails telling how I threatened the school and the local PD was prepared to shoot me on sight. (In hindsight I’m honestly surprised she didn’t go full mama bear like usual and threaten to shoot back. Also, like they even knew who I was, it was a large public school in a large city, give me a break. All this happened after we were heading out. They didn’t get there until afterwards and no one even saw them). So after getting my ass chewed she figures out that I had no idea any of this was going on. So at least she calmed down and I wasn’t in trouble.

The Schools Side of the Story
Apparently there had been a police officer visiting a girl who had been injured in some incident. I forget what. And so when my teacher saw him as she was heading out she walked up and plopped the grenade in his hands and said something to the effect of here you deal with this, before walking away. Now mind you this thing is gray with a blue spoon and a half inch hole on the bottom. Well apparently he shit himself upon being handed the thing and promptly called the bomb squad. (Insert “thin brown line” joke here) Does make you wonder about the logic of having all the kids who were already leaving school turn around and come back to school but I digress. And that a 2nd grade teach was complete unfazed but a cop lost it. Also, supposedly my bus driver had seen me with it and said something to me. (doubtful, can’t remember ever talking to a bus driver besides getting on and off).

The Aftermath
Had to talk to the Vice Principal and all I could think about the whole time was how mad/sad I was that they took my grenade. Kept picturing them melting it down for scrap. Then they made me sit in the hall by his desk for all the kids to walk past and see for a few days as punishment. Guess they couldn’t find a the stocks. I still didn’t quite understand why I was there since they didn’t say it was punishment, just go ahead and sit here kid. Which when my mom heard they were doing that THEN it was gloves off. All 5’2″ of her went down and started threatening either lawsuit or crushed throats. Either was likely with her back then. So back to class I went none the wiser. except for some reason my teacher always seemed mad at me for the rest of the year. Apparently she got fired as she was gone the next year. I feel a little bad about that considering it was her first year there and thought she was doing what she was supposed to, but that’s what you get when you take a kids grenade from him. 


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