WHEN GUNS ARE OUTLAWED ONLY SATAN WILL HAVE A BASEBALL BAT

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PROVO, Utah — A woman who identified herself to authorities as “Satan” was arrested Thursday on multiple charges, including felony aggravated robbery. That’s weird, you wouldn’t expect Satan to be hanging out in Utah of all places.

According to a probable cause statement, police arrived at a 7-Eleven convenience store at 222 West and 300 South in Provo on reports of an aggravated robbery after a female in a wheelchair allegedly hit the cashier in the head with a metal baseball bat and left the scene. Man, she sounds like Hell on wheels.

Officers located the woman – later identified as 37-year-old Cami Ann Cutler – near an intersection. She was still holding the metal baseball bat, and began banging it on the ground in a confrontational manner when instructed to drop it. What I wouldn’t give to have been able to see that.

Cutler was distracted and was successfully taken into custody without injury or further incident. While being questioned following the arrest, Cutler identified herself to police as “Satan.”

Cutler was booked on charges including Aggravated Robbery, a first-degree felony, as well as Obstruction of Justice and Providing False or Failing to Provide Information to police.

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