Surfing for Dolphins


gyrines, like any other group, have their own collection of old wives tales.

This particular one is probably rather old, and has many different versions. That said, sometimes you just want to believe.

Story goes that a marine started carrying around an imaginary basket ball. Said marine would dribble it around. Set it down for formations, and pick it back up afterwards. Shoot hoops when they had idle time, etc. They would religiously account for their imaginary basketball. Took it with them everywhere.

Eventually, this gets the marine’s commands attention. They end up getting him psych eval’ed. Over a drawn out process the corps finally decides to process this nut job out.

Said marine is finally at admin, received their discharge paperwork. He picks up the basket ball, shoots a hoop, then starts to walk away. The admin clerk askes if he is going to get his basket ball.

I don’t need it any more.

When this story would come up, we concluded a better ending would have been him offering to give to the admin clerk after they inquired about it.

Sometimes my peers would suggest that I could have an imaginary rifle. I could stage it, do drill, snap in, etc. But as we worked though the logical progression, we generally seemed to figure that it was more likely I’d end up gunned down by the bluefalcons(mps) then let processed out.


    • Urban legend “Basket ball dribble with final shot.” (military) 1992. I report to Marine Combat Training. Due to bad luck, I ended up in post-boot camp slavery and did two weeks of mess duty. I missed out on the next MCT “Marine Combat Training” company (which is total bull shit because I am going to SOI, or School Of Infantry) for another two weeks of work party hell. Dribble guy was a hero for the “no longer wanted to be there” crew. I was lucky, I found a Quonset hut full of “tagged” (does not work anymore) lawn mowers and weed eaters.
      As long as I brought a lawn mower or weed eater back from the dead at least once a day, I was golden and could spend the day drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes.



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