“He Chucked Himself! “

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Howard’s stories recalling his time in his beloved USMC got me thinking about a story for some reason. I have no idea why but I thought I would type it up before it slipped out of mind again for another 20 some years.

Many coon’s ages ago I worked for a pretty big gun store that had three locations and the owner attended SHOT show every year and took several of us with him. He didn’t go so much to see what was new and to place orders he did it to gamble and drink and whore. He wanted all the boys to be out there partying it up with him but a few preferred to stick to the hotel rooms and stay sane least their wives find out.

One of them was a guy named Chuck from Buffalo Creek, WV. On one of those trips he shared a room with one of the store managers named Timmy Larry, and another guy. While a little close to drunk himself he was laying in one of the beds and made the mistake of trusting his bowels after drinking cheap booze and eating too much from some Las Vegas Mexican Food buffet.

He was surprised when he shit himself. To conceal his idiocy he crab walked into the hotel bathroom and tried to flush his underwear down the toilet. Not being a complete doofus he hand forced the undies down into the toilet and before hitting flush. A real big brain move.

Later in the middle of the night came knocking on the hotel door waking the fellas up. The underwear had gotten the clogged up in the pipes and was causing a back up of the water pipes that was now seeping through the walls and ceiling of lower floors. Poor Chuck had to admit what happened and the fellas all had to find a new hotel the next day. Not easy to do in the middle of SHOT show.. Especially after walking the floors all day then having to find a few rooms later than night.

Of course once everyone was back the following Monday the story spread pretty quick and “He chucked himself” soon was the new euphemism for accidentally making an obama in your undies.

4 COMMENTS

  1. I worked in a building once where the drain pipe had some major issues. They had to jackhammer up the cement under the main lobby to clear the clog. One of my coworkers caught one of the workers on lunch break or something and asked what the scoop was.

    “Someone flushed their pants down the toilet.”

    From that point, my coworker has regularly compared various activities to flushing one’s pants down the toilet. “I don’t care what problem you think you have. Flushing your pants down the toilet isn’t going to make anything better, and will almost certainly make a lot of things worse.”

  2. One a USN (nuc) submarine once, a huge problem came up when the main sanitary tank (i.e. the place where all the shitters flushed to) got plugged up. From what I heard it wasn’t a drydock type event but it was still a sudden Big Deal involving divers, cofferdams etc on the outer hull to dismantle the exterior hull valve and fix it. It was kind of urgent because this class of submarine only had the one San tank and there’s over a hundred folks using it constantly. Turned out to be a pair of underwear some crewman who knew better pushed in there. Unfortunately for P.O. Heintzleman, his name was stenciled on the skivvies so he got more attention out of that than he wanted.

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