PorckChop And Toilet Paper Easter eggs


Easter and spring always get me thinking about my old pal “porkchop” ( RIP) .Before he came to work with me, he worked at a state run facility where mentally ill people were housed by the state. He had some doozies to tell from those days but one in particular stood out. There was one unfortunate fellow that really was apparently quite insane. This fellow would take a shit then fish it out of the toilet . He would then take an entire roll of toilet paper and wrap it up. Once wrapped up in layer after layer of toilet paper, he would then hide his handiwork some where in the building or on the grounds as if he was hiding Easter eggs. The caretakers and security would see the used up roll of toilet paper and know what he had done and the hunt would be on.
To make it even worse he would often times not get found out right away and would manage to hide several of them over a few weeks time and workers and his fellow residents would randomly discover them by accident. Some may have been found after weeks or months. To top it off and make it go from gross to down right revolting, there was another fellow who resided there who if he found one, he would go sit on a little brick wall over looking the Guyandotte river and slowly peel the toilet paper off and chew on it as he slowly worked his way to the nasty surprise center like a tootsie pop.


  1. What many of us would find entirely counterintuitive is the fact that when you go to look at it all, a lot of the time, many of the people working in the mental health care industry are nuttier than the inmates.

    Family friend worked at Chicago-Read in hospital administration for a few years, back in the Seventies. The stories he had from that time were epic–Being chased through the hospital by cooks with cleavers, who he’d walked in on during an inspection, finding them loading food from storage into trucks marked with the logos of famous local restaurants.

    Having to keep moving his office because he thought patients were getting out of confinement and finding him to complain about things. They weren’t patients. They were employees. From his experience of doing ward inspections, he found that a lot of the patients were in better shape than some of the people who were there to “help” them, especially the psychiatrists and counselors. The craziest person he had coming into his office turned out to be an actual psychiatrist with multiple advanced degrees from various European and American educational institutions, and it was only after he’d “captured” the “escaped patient”, and reported him to security that this came to light. As far as he could tell, this guy was crazier than some of the patients he’d encountered doing audits in the wards… Dude would walk into the office like he worked there, and start off with a stream-of-consciousness series of non-sequiturs that would loop back and repeat endlessly.

    And, of course, there was the organized crime connections nobody would tell him about, like picking up all the trash. Multiple times, he’d have issues with the fact things weren’t being done to contract standards, go through the motions of firing the waste company, and then find that the executives had re-contracted with the same company yet again. Nobody bothered to tell him, because he wasn’t from Chicago, that the waste contract was a crime family set-aside, and that they’d keep getting the contract or there’d be “repercussions”. All kinds of buried corrupt practices like that, and none of them were ever really recorded anywhere by anyone. He kept finding stuff by sheer accident–There was one deal with a cleaning contract that he was assured by everyone that it could not be changed, ‘cos “crime”, and when he did… Nobody cared. Then, there were others that he was told “Oh, nobody cares about that one…”, and some guy in a suit would show up and politely inform the office that if they knew what was good for them, they’d reinstate things the way they were. Worst part of the deal was that nobody knew what was “connected”, and what wasn’t, so they were afraid to do anything at all.

    Forget Chicagoland being a whole other country; it’s an entirely different civilization.

    • Psychiatrists are famously nuts. Many of them first become interested in the field because they know that they themselves are not right in the head.


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