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WHEN GUNS ARE OUTLAWED ONLY OUTLAWS WILL BE ROOSTERS

In Australia, guns are very restricted. This keeps deaths down only to the very old and the very sick as crime and accidental death are completely eliminated.

A woman has been killed after being attacked by her “harmless” pet, prompting a study into the hidden dangers of seemingly innocuous injuries. We need rooster confiscation immediately to end this fowl play.

An elderly woman from South Australia has died after being pecked at by her “aggressive” rooster while collecting eggs from the chicken coop in her garden.

The rooster reportedly punctured a varicose vein with its beak, causing it to bleed profusely.

Further examination found the victim had suffered numerous other injuries, but the main cause of death was the bleeding that couldn’t be stopped, The Advertiser reported. Not a winner of life’s lottery right there.

The identity of the lady has been suppressed to avoid further trauma to her family. I would rather be killed by a hipoint then go out this way.

The incident has prompted a public warning of the hidden dangers of seemingly harmless animals, especially for elderly people. Thank God we got the government to warn us of all the dangers in life. Truly, what would we do without it?

The incident has prompted a warning of the hidden dangers of seemingly harmless pets.

The incident has prompted a warning of the hidden dangers of seemingly harmless pets.

https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/health/health-problems/south-australian-woman-fatally-attacked-by-pet-rooster/news-story/5a126b0620a73e94d0310b448231ec00

As you can imagine I had a much much more R rated version of this post ready to go but self control got the better of me.

WHEN GUNS ARE OUTLAWED ONLY OUTLAWS WILL HAVE BEEF

Doctors have been telling us for years that red meat was bad for you. Hard on the old ticker. I don’t think even the best of our medicos could have foreseen this threat to our health.

Two booby-trapped cows loaded with explosives detonated in a village in eastern Iraq on Sunday, killing one civilian, according to local reports. It marked the first time ISIS has weaponized cattle in recent memory.

The two cows were strapped with explosive belts and walked towards a military checkpoint in Diyala province when Iraqi soldiers opened fire on the animals, according to the Independent, which cited Rudaw, a Kurdish news site. What do cows get in the afterlife for dying while killing infidels?

The weekend incident showed ISIS “has lost the ability to recruit young people and would-be suicide bombers, instead they are using cattle,” local official Saqid Husseini said. Imagine that. Notice they haven’t used any goats..

The two cows (not pictured) were strapped with explosive belts and walked towards a military checkpoint in the Diyala province when Iraqi soldiers opened fire on the animals, according to the Independent, which cited Rudaw, a Kurdish news site. 

The two cows (not pictured) were strapped with explosive belts and walked towards a military checkpoint in the Diyala province when Iraqi soldiers opened fire on the animals, according to the Independent, which cited Rudaw, a Kurdish news site.  (2007 Getty Images)

While blowing up bovines isn’t a common occurrence, using animals – or their carts- to square off against enemies has happened before.

In November 2003, more than a dozen rockets were fired from donkey carts that slammed into Iraq’s Oil Minister and two downtown Baghdad hotels, according to CBS News. A battery of braying ass.

“We’ve had numerous incidents where they use these low tech tactics and sometimes we stop them and sometimes they get through,” Brig. Gen. Mark Kimmit, U.S. deputy chief of operations in Iraq, said at the time. Military’s best leaders right there.

Other rocket launchers mounted on donkey carts were found in Waziriya, a neighborhood north of downtown.

In all, donkey-borne IEDs have killed 14 people. No shock there, how many died by jawbone of the ass? It was only a matter of time. wonder what could be next?

WHEN GUNS ARE OUTLAWED ONLY OUTLAWS WILL HAVE MEAT CLEAVERS

In the communist utopia of China, Guns are virtually banned. In this ideal arrangement much desired by US politicians, only the government is capable of mass murder via firearms. Just like political leaders the world over like it. Because of this, As His Holiness Barrack The Benevolent told us, spree killings only happen in the US. Except that is a total and complete lie.

CHINA-CRIME
A file photo shows police outside the gate of an elementary school where an attack took place in Beijing on January 8, 2019. Another attack on elementary school children, this time in Hubei province, left eight children dead on September 3, 2019, Chinese police said. Getty

Beijing — An attacker killed eight students and injured two others at an elementary school in central China on the first day of the new semester, police said Tuesday. The attack occurred around 8 a.m. Monday in Chaoyangpo village of Enshi city in Hubei province, Enshi police said in a statement.

According to the Guangzhou-based Southern Weekly, which cited staff from Hubei prison, the suspect was released last June after serving his sentence for attempted murder. See we are not so different from the communist country, We too release total nut jobs from prison for no real reason. Seems we can find common ground after all.

Schoolchildren in China have been the target of often fatal attacks by people bearing grudges or considered mentally ill.

Wait, Wait. OK. Explain this to me like I am a 3 year old. It was my understanding that this only happens in the USof A.

A kindergarten teacher was arrested in eastern China in April after 23 students were sickened in a suspected act of deliberate poisoning. The teacher was believed to have contaminated the children’s food with sodium nitrite, the Jiaozuo city police said on their official microblog. The motivation for the apparent attack was not confirmed.

In October last year, a knife-wielding assailant injured 14 children at a kindergarten in the western Chinese city of Chongqing.

In June last year, two children were stabbed to death by a man outside an elementary school in Shanghai.

In April 2018 a 28-year-old former pupil allegedly seeking revenge for having been bullied stabbed nine pupils to death outside a middle school in northwestern China. Another 10 people were hospitalized with injuries resulting from the rampage in the rural area.

Has to be fake news . Part of Trump’s trade war to make them look bad.

China tightly restricts private gun ownership, making knives and homemade explosives the most common weapons in violent crimes.

Oof. that must have REALLY hurt for CBS to say.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/china-school-attack-in-hubei-leaves-8-elementary-school-children-dead-today-2019-09-03/

BONUS SATIRE STORY

(…)
Owen O’Reilly, 47, was arrested yesterday after neighbors warned authorities that the suspect was washing his naked mother with a hose in his backyard.

O’Reilly’s mother, Margaret O’Reilly, passed away in late 2015 unknowingly to neighbors who were surprised to see her bathing naked in an inflatable pool in her backyard while being hosed by her 47-year-old son.
(…)

“At first, I thought he was fondling some naked woman in the inflatable pool, but then I realized it was his dead mother,” recalls Police Officer James Durham.

“Casual sex”

O’Reilly told officers he originally kept his mother’s body to collect her welfare checks but also admitted under pressure that he occasionally indulged in sexual activities with the corpse after trace amounts of sperm were discovered on the body.

“She is dead, she can’t feel anything,” he reportedly told Deputy Sheriff Johnson.

O’Reilly also told police officers he rarely had sexual relationships with his mother’s corpse and only when he was “really drunk” or that his girlfriend “pissed him off,” he said. According to Georgia State law, a person convicted of any sexual act with a dead human body involving the sex organs of the one and the mouth, anus, penis, or vagina of the other shall be punished by imprisonment for not less than one nor more than ten years.

WHEN GUNS ARE OUTLAWED ONLY OUTLAWS WILL HAVE FRENCH KNIVES

The USA is so dangerous. People getting shot all the time. Guns every where. If not for guns there would be virtually no murders in America. It’s a shame, These kind of mass casualty attacks don’t happen in another western civilized countries. I know this because obama told me. Let take Europe for example,why they never have ….oh

A teenager was killed and another nine wounded, three seriously, in a knife attack near the French city of Lyon, a regional official and emergency services said.

Oh it was only a knife. Think of how much more dead he would have been if he had been shot though!

The one fatality is believed to be a 19-year-old man.

Emergency services are at work near a bus in Villeurbanne on the outskirts of Lyon, southeastern France after a knife attack which has left one dead. Picture: AFP

Emergency services are at work near a bus in Villeurbanne on the outskirts of Lyon, southeastern France after a knife attack which has left one dead. Picture: AFP

The attacker provided contradictory information to police, but that the attack in Villeurbanne, a Lyon suburb, in southeastern France did not appear to be terrorism-related, two French officials told The Associated Press. Ohhhh nooo of course not.

A manhunt was initially launched for a second attacker but police later determined that the detained man was the main suspect, two officials said. Police are still looking for possible accomplices.

One person killed & six wounded in a knife attack in a Lyon suburb #Villeurbanne. Video footage by a passerby seems to show a suspect being detained at a metro exit – police looking for another suspect. Motive for attack not yet known. pic.twitter.com/ygj2ciUdEG— Jannat Jalil (@jannatjalil) August 31, 2019

Video recorded by eyewitnesses showed a 33-year-old Afghan man arrested. Probably angry his champagne wasn’t bubbly enough is all.

The attack took place close to a metro station.

“Two men were involved in the attack at around 4.30. One carried a kitchen knife and the other a kitchen spit,” a police source said. “They targeted a 19-year-old man, who died at the scene, while nine others were also hurt, three very seriously.”

https://www.heraldsun.com.au/truecrimeaustralia/at-least-10-people-stabbed-by-two-men-in-villeurbanne-france/news-story/1711ff7c6460899cb777c8ef317fdb49

Well we know what to ban now.

WHEN GUNS ARE OUTLAWED ONLY OUTLAWS WILL BE BRAIN EATING AXE KILLERS

Every week I think to myself ” I doubt I will ever find a story as crazy as the chick in the middle east who killed her fiance, put him in a blender and fed him to local workers.” And then today I found this chestnut.

A son brutally axed his mother to death before being caught frying her brain in a pan to eat, it has been claimed. 

There is something you don’t see every day.

Sitaram Iraon, 32, from the Botalda village in the Kharsia district of Raigarh, in Chhattisgarh, is accused of killing his 50-year-old mother Phoolbai on Tuesday.

It is said that Iraon, who would often come home drunk and beat his mother, was outraged at being denied money for alcohol, local media reports. I feel like “outraged” still isn’t a strong enough word for his reaction.

Furious with the denial, Iraon is said to have taken a sharp weapon and struck his mother in the skull, before taking out her brain and frying it in a pan. He sure showed her!

His sister-in-law came by and allegedly witnessed the scene, causing him to flee before being tracked down and arrested on Wednesday. I have seen this movie before at the drive in.

Police said the son, who they claim is mentally unstable, was found hiding nearby, wearing blood-stained clothes.

When questioned, Iraon is said to have admitted to the crime and the police have filed a case against him. Case closed, now they can get back to calling my cell phone 18 times a day.

Iraon’s younger brother said he tried to convince his sibling to stop drinking, but failing this, he moved out of the family home and left Iraon to live with their mother.

Well there you have it. Booze, frying pans and the axe made him do it. Thank the lord he didn’t have a gun or think of how much deader the mother would be.