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WHEN GUNS ARE OUTLAWED ONLY OUTLAWS WILL KNIFE WRESTLE

The jokes write themselves with this one.

Mugshot for Lillian Patterson, 19, of Marion County, Florida, (Marion County Sheriff’s Office)

(FOX) — A Florida woman has been arrested in a man’s fatal stabbing after initially telling investigators the victim died after falling on a knife, authorities said.

I’ve heard a similar explanation from cheating women..

Lillian Patterson, 19, was charged Saturday with negligent manslaughter in the death of Xavier Collins in her home in Marion County.

Deputies showed up at the home Friday night in response to a 911 call reporting a heart attack, the Marion County Sheriff’s Office said in a news release.

After finding a traumatic injury to the 19-year-old Collins’ chest, “Patterson then claimed Collins had fallen onto a knife held by one the children in the home,” the sheriff’s office said.

She then claimed both she and a small child were holding knives, and Collins fell onto one of the knives, according to the news release.

The sheriff’s office said that during another interview with investigators, Patterson claimed Collins began “wrestling” with her as she was holding a knife in one hand and a cellphone in the other.

“Patterson changed her statement multiple times regarding where she was holding the knife,” authorities said, adding: “Patterson also acknowledged she had multiple opportunities to relinquish the knife before, and during, the time the victim, Collins, was ‘wrestling’ with her.”

Patterson was jailed and awaiting a court appearance.

WHEN GUNS ARE OUTLAWED ONLY OUTLAWS WILL HAVE WINE CHILLERS

Isn’t marriage wonderful?

A New Jersey woman allegedly beat her wife to death with a wine chiller — a week after gushing about the “uncountable ways” her partner has changed her life, authorities said.

Well. she changed her life for sure now.

Mayra Gavilanez-Alectus and Rebecca Gavilanez-Alectus

Mayra Gavilanez-Alectus (left) and Rebecca Gavilanez-Alectus Facebook

Mayra Gavilanez-Alectus, 48, is being sought by Brick police in the death of 32-year-old Rebecca Gavilanez-Alectus, who was found lifeless Sunday in an upstairs bedroom inside the couple’s Creek Road apartment, Ocean County prosecutors and Brick Township police announced Tuesday.

Cops responded to the residence after getting a report of an unresponsive female. An autopsy conducted the following day determined that Gavilanez-Alectus died by homicide, authorities said.

Mayra Gavilanez-Alectus, meanwhile, praised her partner in a Mother’s Day Facebook post, thanking her for the “uncountable ways” she improved her life.

“Mi amor gracias for all the uncountable ways you make this little crazy family … and my entire life better with every moment,” the post read. “[I’m] truly blessed that you are my wife.”

Indeed.

https://nypost.com/2020/05/20/nj-woman-charged-with-fatally-beating-wife-with-wine-chiller/

WHEN GUNS ARE OUTLAWED ONLY OUTLAWS WILL HAVE THUMBS

Say you have a neighbor and that neighbor has a rooster. Those roosters can get pretty annoying. Especially early in the morning when you’re trying to sleep off that hangover. So what are you to do about it? Well, if you live in the butthole of WV, you put the thumbs to the neighbors eyes!

Image Credit

PRINCETON, W.Va. — A West Virginia man accused of gouging out his neighbor’s eyes over a loud rooster has been charged with murder, authorities said.

Richard Wayne Ellison, 47, of Rock was arrested Sunday by the Mercer County Sheriff’s Department in the killing of Benny Foutch, the Bluefield Daily Telegraph reported, citing a statement from the agency.

In an interview, Ellison told a detective that he killed the rooster because it was crowing and then gouged out his neighbor’s eyes because Lucifer made him do it, according to a criminal complaint. Seems like a reasonable thing to do to me.

Emergency crews initially responded to a request for a mental evaluation, the complaint said. Good call boys.The Princeton Rescue Squad found the body of the victim outside and requested law enforcement.

“When looking at the victim, the gouging out of his eyes appeared to be his cause of death,” the compliant said, but the body was being sent for autopsy.

I really have nothing to add to that last bit…

https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/sheriff-man-gouges-neighbors-eyes-loud-rooster-70767364

WHEN GUNS ARE OUTLAWED ONLY SLAVS WILL BE CANNIBALS ( PART3)

Smirking father and son cannibal murderers have been jailed after beheading a former policeman and cooking his body parts.  BLYAT!!

Hoo boy that went from 0-100 fast didn’t it?

Maxim and Yaroslav Kostyukov, 42 and 21, were convicted of killing Yevgeny ‘Zhenya’ Petrov, 45, in Ukraine

They will serve sentences of 15 years. The three had been drinking together when a row developed over the conflict between Kyiv’s forces and pro-Moscow rebels in the eastern part of the country. 

Is it really just a “row” when you end up eating a guy over it?

A court heard how the son had held Petrov from behind while the father stabbed him twice in the chest. 

GRAPHIC CONTENT: The headless corpse (pictured) was found dumped near a cellar doorway close to an apartment block in Saltivka, near Kharkiv.+7

GRAPHIC CONTENT: The headless corpse (pictured) was found dumped near a cellar doorway close to an apartment block in Saltivka, near Kharkiv.

Yaroslav Kostyukov then severed the ex-policeman’s head and cut out flesh from the corpse as well as his heart, kidneys, liver and other internal organs. 

What is it with these people? Chernobyl wasn’t bad enough, change my mind.

He confessed to cooking the ‘meat’ which was served when the father and son hosted a homeless man called Yura. 

Poor Yura had no idea..

Yaroslav later he changed his testimony to deny being the cook and claiming hehardly ate’ the human ‘broth’. 

He was sick as soon as he took the first bite, he said. He claimed the homeless man had ‘feasted’ most of it. 

Not me! that disgusting homeless guy did the eating! Nice to know he has some morals and draws the line some where.

A court heard how the son (right) had held Petrov from behind while the father (left) stabbed him twice in the chest+7

But law enforcement said there was clear evidence the pair were cannibals and had cooked and eaten their victim. 

They smirked in the court cage. Prosecutor Oksana Karnaukh said: ‘There is no such crime as cannibalism listed in the Criminal Code of Ukraine.

That explains a lot ..

The ex-wife of the murdered man identified him from his severed head. She is claiming compensation for ‘insomnia’ after the trauma, it was reported.

Yea thats him, but seems like he was taller..”

Read the rest here you sick freaks. they only got 15 years for this caper.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8311685/Father-son-cannibals-beheaded-ex-cop-cooked-body-parts-jailed-Ukraine.html

WHEN GUNS ARE OUTLAWED ONLY OUTLAWS WILL BE “HERO” NURSES

Not all of our hero nurses Tik Tok videos shaking their asses like they are in a rap video. Some are robbing the soon to be corpses before they even assume room temp.

Not all heroes wear capes..

“…This is how low you can go.

A ghoulish Staten Island nurse swiped a credit card from a dying coronavirus patient in a hospital ventilator unit, using the pilfered plastic to callously purchase groceries and gas as he wasted away, authorities charged Thursday.

Danielle Conti, 43, used the pandemic as her personal piggy bank after allegedly stealing the charge card from 70-year-old widower Anthony Catapano while making her daily rounds at hard-hit Staten Island University Hospital North sometime in early April, authorities charge.

The Staten Island grandfather of a 12-year-old girl died on April 12 from COVID-19 complications…”

https://www.nydailynews.com/coronavirus/ny-coronavirus-nurse-steals-credit-card-dying-coronavirus-patient-20200507-2p3ihwwe7nfv5hddioyrlioau4-story.html