Gosh. New York City is so modern and progressive. The government there has shown to really care about the things that matter. In the recent trifles they are dealing with they even take the time to not only warn their subjects of a real scourge on humanity but outright ban it.
NYC’s Department of Health is bending over backwards to warn the public about a whole new threat — “rim jobs.”
I know what you’re thinkin. But I did not write that.
The city’s health agency issued graphic guidelines for safe sex practices during the coronavirus pandemic Saturday, and while many were quick to take jabs at the agency for labeling masturbation safer than sex with a partner, most missed the backdoor rim shot.
Yes, the city specifically called out rimming — or using the tongue on the REDACTED!! rim of another person for sexual pleasure — as particularly dangerous in a jaw-dropping section of the public safety alert.
“Rimming (mouth on REDACTED!!!!!!) might spread COVID-19. Virus in feces may enter your mouth,” the city warned in the section titled, “Take care during sex.”
I promise I did not make these disgusting, poor tasting jokes, I am above that. I even saved you all from losing your innocence by reading these vulgar words in too much detail using my powers to censor given to me by our now war time footing due to ChinAIDS.
Eagle-eyed Twitter users, naturally, had a field day with the bizarre bullet point, whipping it into the butt of jokes online.
“The NYC Health Department has a document about sex and coronavirus that includes a statement about rimming,” one person wrote. “‘Stay at least six feet from other people, and be sure not to lick anyone’s REDACTED!!!!!!!!.‘”
“Day 13 of quarantine: my parents read the NYC coronavirus sex guidelines and are now discussing rimming at the dinner table. Need evacuation ASAP,” one person wrote.
The question is are they really going to enforce this and if so how? Is this why the NY authorities want the military sent so badly?
Read the news article here, I really can’t top the worthy at the NYpost who wrote it without getting so vulgar some of our readers would never look at me the same way again.