Oi Mate, You got a Loiscense for that stab vest?


Did you know guns are illegal in the UK? I doubt you didn’t already know this because anyone from there, and half of the people in this country love to tell you how the UK banned guns and ended all murder. It’s a paradise over there. Except for the truck’s of peace. And the acid attacks. And the spontaneous high order detonations( whose motives we may never know..). Everything is tip top on the Island!

Wait.. Oopsie!

Earlier this year the murder rate in England and Wales hit a ten year high, with the number of offences involving knives reaching a staggering 40,829.”

It’s not illegal to buy or wear stab vests( not yet anyway.) and they can be bought on Amazon for as little as £15.

So it’s no surprise to see youngsters and nightclub bouncers turning to body armour for extra protection. Just part and parcel of living in a big city I’ve heard.

If you look at the reviews under the vests online, you get a sense of the troubling situation in Britain today. Some of them have even been bought by concerned parents to give their children ‘reassurance’

Bought for my 15 year old son after having two knifes pulled on him in two months. Country is a mess.’

A buyer called ‘Lewis464’ said ‘sadly products like this are a necessity in this day and age’. He said: ‘This vest will do the job against degenerates with kitchen knives, stainless steel blades, machetes and the likes.’ The lack of self awareness of most of the country is staggering.

A buyer called ‘Directive34124’ said the stab vest is like an ‘insurance plan’ you pay for once and ‘never have to pay again’. They wrote: ‘It can give you those crucial seconds to react to defend yourself or to survive a vicious quick stab-and-run attack. They added: ‘Keep your blood inside your body. Stay safe.’ If only there was an effective way for the average person to defend themselves without having to be stabbed first .

However, a charity working with teenagers in London gangs has warned the vests only add to the violence.Yep. Better ban those too! Nothing makes some one more violent than seeing some one wearing something for protection. Studies show that just the presence of a stab vest makes people more aggressive who otherwise would be a docile, gentle and loving as Jesus Christ Himself. Honestly, just thinking about stab vests makes me want to kick a puppy and skip telling my Grandma I love her this week.

A spokesperson for the St Giles Trust told Metro.co.uk: ‘Stab proof vests do not address the complex root causes of serious violence. Which is of course those knives. We got to BAN THE KNIVES!

This is a symptom of wider issues to which there are no easy answers. ‘These include social exclusion, poverty, cuts to youth and support services and a real or perceived lack of access to sustainable employment opportunities. ‘We are much closer to solutions to tackle the problem than we were a few years ago but lives are still needlessly being lost and must not let up on our efforts. That’s it, they just need jobs. As we all know this type of element loves to work and be productive.

These people once controlled most of the world folks.

Reviews on Amazon stab vests show harrowing reality of life on UK streets


  1. Banning the knives is definitely the way to go. Sell them only to licensed chefs for institutional use only. As for the average home meal- groceries can simply be pureed at the store. Cooked in a microwave or steamer at home. No more chewing at all. Every meal through a straw.


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