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WHEN GUNS ARE OUTLAWED ONLY OUTLAWS WILL HAVE FOREPLAY WITH KNIVES

This is a good one.


WV , Mountain Momma , take me hooooome!

HUNTINGTON — A Huntington woman confessed to the 2017 stabbing death of her husband Monday, stating he was accidentally stabbed as part of sexual foreplay they often performed in their relationship.

Indeed, That old chestnut. You know it goes. One minute you’re having some romantic time with your beautiful bride, the next you are shanked in the back when things get a little too passionate.

Jennifer Lynn Via, 49, pleaded guilty before Cabell Circuit Judge Gregory Howard on Monday to voluntary manslaughter in the death of her husband, Thomas Via. He was stabbed in the back with a 14-inch-long decorative dagger Nov. 4, 2017, at their home in the 900 block of 28th Street in Huntington. Police say, “worst case of accidental sexy time stabbing they ever saw.”

She had been charged with first-degree murder about 10 days after his death after detectives felt her story did not line up with evidence.

The varying stories included that he had slipped on water and fell into an old knife or screwdriver.

Plausible. I can’t count the amount of times this has happened to me or I have seen happen. Some one should make a law.

Huntington Detective Chris Sperry said Via said they had been mimicking a ninja superhero movie and she accidentally stabbed her husband as he stood up from a bent-over position while dumping water into a toilet.

I seen a lot of ninja super hero movies and even a few documentaries. But I’ve never seen a ninja movie that posited a scenario where some one was bent over dumping water in a toilet while some backstabber tried to get the jump on them from behind.

At her plea hearing Monday, Via said the pair had been playing around with a dagger when the knife pierced him.

“My husband and I liked to fight and have sex and then make up, if that’s the right way to say that,” she said. “He wasn’t supposed to get hurt, but it did happen.”

“liked”… Past tense. My guess is he stopped liking it about the time the knife penetrated him from the rear.

Defense attorney Kerry Nessel said the situation had gotten out of hand, most likely due to alcohol.

“As strange as this is, they watched these Kung Fu movies and it led to, what I would tell a jury, foreplay, which was both of them getting pretty violent with each other while playing with weapons,” he said. “That’s what led to this.

Is there anything else I can really add other than some bad puns? Alternative title suggestions and more jokes in the comments please.

https://www.herald-dispatch.com/news/woman-admits-guilt-in-husband-s-death/article%e2%80%94172fdea7-6f6e-5d58-8226-5b07e1b870e3.html

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