When Guns Are outlawed Only Outlaws Will Be Man’s Best Friend



A 22-year-old man left in a coma after his genitals were “ripped off and eaten” by a bulldog had apparently smeared his crotch in peanut butter.


HOO BOOY!   We are off to a good start already!


The man, who has not been named, was found lying unconscious inside a flat by emergency crews in Haddington, East Lothian, Scotland.

Neighbours reported hearing the Old English bulldog, named Biggie Smalls after the late rapper, barking at around 4am and again at 8am October 7.

This would be the part were the original creator of  the “when guns are ..” would say something about his old Sgt. saying nothing good happens after 300am. 


Police were called at about 2.30pm, where they found a blood-spattered scene.

Rumours swirled around the town that the injured man had been held down during the attack, however it is now believed he was alone with Biggie at the time, although others were present

A police source told The Times the man had “applied peanut butter, or another food spread, to his crotch area” ( as  you do )in the moments before he was savaged by the dog.

Biggie Smalls is reported to have ripped off man’s penis and testicles (Image: Facebook)

The victim was rushed to Edinburgh Royal Infirmary, but his genitals could not be reattached, after the mauling by the dog, called Biggie Smalls.

Look. I’m not Doctor here but  I am gonna guess that it’s likely hard to re attach genitals after a dog eats them.   The Garth Ennis comic book “Preacher”  comes to mind when one of the main bad guys utters the line. “my junk is in the bitch’s mouth, and not in the good way”


The sickening attack happened in a flat in Haddington (Image: Google)

He is now recovering in the Western General Hospital in Edinburgh where he has been helping police with their inquiries. “Recovering”  I think is  not something you do when your best furry pal eats your peepee off.

Biggie Smalls, who was covered in blood and restrained, was taken to kennels and later put to sleep.

A spokesperson for Police Scotland said: “The owner of the dog which is believed to have been involved has voluntarily signed documentation consenting to the destruction of the animal.

Was Biggie neutered?  Maybe this was an act of revenge.

 “This has now taken place after protracted dialogue between the Crown Office, Scottish SPCA and the East Lothian Council Dog Warden.”     Oi mate! you got a permit to put down that dog that castrated a man!


A friend of the owner described Biggie as an “absolute angel”.

The pal told the Daily Record: “Biggie is such a nice dog. He isn’t aggressive or anything, and he’s quite small. He’s fine with other dogs. Indeed.

“The dog is an absolute angel. I was happy to be around him. He gets a bit freaked out by noise but he loves having his belly rubbed.” Seems he also loves ( loved ) peanut butter and eating  genitals.

Biggie dindu nufin wrong!  He was a gentle giant!  leave biggie alone! 


Old English Bulldogs are known for the power in their jaws and are descended from breeds used for bull-baiting.

To finish up with a quote from a book that was oft quoted by the originator of this never ending parade of the strange, “think of it as evolution in action ”

Have a good weekend. Don’t let fido get too comfy sniffing your crotch from now on.



  1. You cover your genitals in food products/others are there,you lose said genitals,and the dog gets killed?!

    With so much wrong with this whole situation killing the dog is at the top of my list of wrongs,how about killing the people there and doing society a favor,that would be more appropriate seems to me.


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